Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Left Field


Philippians 3:13-14    But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

 Peaches are everywhere.  Pressure canner brought in from storage.  It's a 100 degree Texas day, but I have two boxes of peaches to take care of.  I'm cutting, dicing, peeling, sticky, and HOT.
And an 8 year old girl sticks by my side like glue, talking all the while.

I tune in to her chatter just in time to hear:

"Sometimes, I think this is just a dream, and I will wake up, and I will be with (birthmom)."

Wow....that came out of left field.
 And it hit me right in the chest.  I was not expecting that blow.

Take a deep breath, Carla, and be calm, because this is one of those things adoptive moms cannot make a mistake with.

"So, what do you think you would be doing if this was a dream and you woke up with (birthmom)?"
"Oh, I don't know.  I'd probably eating dry cereal for supper instead of peach cobbler."

She's been listening to big sister.  It's been half her life since she lived with her first family.

"Have you been dreaming about her?"  I ask.
"I dream about her a lot." she answers.

I live in right field.  All the time.  And sometimes, I forget that there will always, always, be left field for the older adopted child.
And even though I ALWAYS live in right field, there are times I have to deal with left field, anyway.

I know she loves me, and I love her.  I forget there was ever another life before she came here, because I didn't live it.  Her big brother has lived here with me since babyhood.  I rarely think about that first family.

But she does.

And that's okay.  That's her truth.  If I try and deny it, or sweep it away, or insist that she cannot dream about waking up and being back with birthmom, I will damage her.

I have to stop in the middle of peeling peaches, and let her talk if she needs too.

Adoption for the older child is not always rainbows and butterflies.  Sometimes, most times, it is.  But sometimes, it hurts, even if bad things happened in the birth home.  Even if you are well adjusted and happy in your adoptive home.
Sometimes, you have to revisit left field and try to make sense of it all.

Because you can't help what you dream...

And hopefully, your adoptive mommy is strong enough to step into left field, even is she doesn't live there, and help you work through it.