Prayers

I am weary with my sighing, every night I make my bed swim...
...the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.  The Lord has heard my supplication.  The Lord receives my prayers.
Psalm 7:7-9 


Life has been hard the past nine months since Bill died.  There have been many trials, and they are not over yet.  I admit sometimes I am scared, and I have fought a lot of depression.
Nights are the worse.  My mind runs and runs.  In order to turn it off enough too sleep, I take Valerian Root and Kava Kava, although I have heard that Kava Kava is hard on your liver.  Sometimes it works, usually it does, sometimes it doesn't...

Depression creeps up on me in the afternoons, when I start to get tired.  It can escalate by the night hours.

I know this is not God honoring, and I really do trust God.

Yesterday afternoon, I pondered how easy it would be to just give up.  I thought how much easier life might be.
'Might be' is the clue.  That's Satan talking, and I know it. Life would be a terrible thing to face if the Lord was not with me.  Things would not really be better if I gave up being a Christian.  But in a weakened state, it's easy for Satan to hit the target with his darts.

So I prayed a lot.  I told God there was no way I was going to give up.  But I really, really needed encouragement.  Could he show Himself to me?  I know it's not good to be asking that all the time, but once in a while, was it okay to ask, when we really needed it?

He had already been good to me a few hours earlier through his people.  My car had had a flat tire the day before, and a man from our church, who owns a tire shop, fixed it for me.  When I asked for the bill, he told me it was already paid.
That's humbling, friends, when you know you don't deserve the kindness people are showing, over and over.  My children deserve it, but I don't, especially when I spend too much time in the "slough of despond" (if you don't know what that means, go read  Pilgrim's Progress).

So I went to bed last night after taking my Valerian Root, and I "made my bed swim" and I prayed the hours away.

Then I got up this morning...

And I walked outside in the bright morning Texas sunshine...

And I knew God had heard my supplication, because I saw His glory everywhere I went...

First in the farm newborns:

And in the rooster that considers me a threat to his ladies, and tries to spur me everytime I walk near him, and thank you God that his spurs are not big yet, because I still haven't taught him who is boss even though I try to remember to pick up a stick whenever I see him:

In the goats that run to the fence to say good morning.  At least, that's what I tell myself they are doing.  Probably, they are trying to see if I have the feed bucket in my hand.
I really like this goat:

And in Samantha the goose, still my most faithful farm yard friend:

The Bible tells us that a man's life is threescore and ten.  I am 61.  Whose knows if I will live 9 more years, and reach threescore and ten, or if I will even reach the end of this day.  The women of my family do seem to have long lives, my fathers mother died just before her 95th birthday.  My own mother is 81 and very healthy, and her sister, my aunt Joy, just turned 88 and has hardly slowed down.
Even so, I thought if I do have a few more years, now is the time to try and do some of those things I always wanted to do.  I had better not put it off any longer.

I really want a fiber farm.  I want to learn to spin, and I want to raise animals that will give me wool.

I had the Angora Rabbits, but I wasn't doing much with them, so I bought a "husband" for them.  He is absolutely gorgeous, a rare white rabbit with blue eyes, and the beauty of this animal could only come from God.  It's hard for me to believe this gorgeous rabbit is considered "pet quality" rather than "show quality":

My spirits greatly lifted in my rabbit house this morning.  I had spent the last days cleaning it and moving air conditioners into it.  It's still a mess, but I am trying to do a little every day to get as much out of it as I can.

Yesterday, I picked up this beautiful rabbit that I am in love with, and also picked up some Jersey Woolies I got a deal on - buy the baby buck and get two older does for almost nothing.  I was pretty happy with the seven week old buck:

And one of the does, who the lady assures me is pregnant with at least three kits:

God shows himself and His glory in all His creation, including the human ones.

Like a little girl who rides her bike to a neighbors house, and comes home with a kitten (yeah, THANKS Tammy...if I remember right, the mother of that kitten was one of ours who ran to your house to escape the very child you gave her offspring to this morning...)
Then when I tried to take her picture, three photobombers had to get in on the action:

And in a young girl who made her first dress yesterday, and was so proud.  And to make it even better for her, her first handmade dress matched one her mama has:

So, although my nights are sometimes hard, I purpose to take more walks outside my own house in the mornings.  Because the goodness of God is everywhere, all we have to do is open our eyes.  It won't be long before we reach the "Celestial City." (There's Pilgrim's Progress again, I got it out recently to read to the kids during school this year.)

May we be strong and of good courage.  Heaven is near!

Call to me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.  Jeremiah 33:3

"Rocking" our babies

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow
For babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, and dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

This morning, I was awake around 6.  I got up for a few minutes and bushed my teeth and did a few other things, then settled back into bed to do my Bible reading on my nook.  Wasn't long, though, before Tommy came creeping down the stairs.  Still not quite 7 in the morning, he crawled in under the covers and burrowed into my body.  Soft breathing told me he had fallen back asleep.
I laid there and held  him for a few minutes, and contemplated my day.  There were quite a few things I wanted to get done before I took my newly adopted daughters (well, okay, it's been a few months, and I have procrastinated terribly...), Cynthia and Selah, to the Social Security office in Cleburne to get their names changed on their SS cards.  The more I thought about all there was to do, the more I wanted to get up.  I was getting hot and sweaty laying there.  I started to try and move my arms out from under my sleeping son.  His eyes slowly opened and he looked up at me, then his eyelids drifted slowly closed again and he snuggled closer.

And I remembered this poem.

And I thought, "I'm 'rocking' my baby.  All those things I need to do can wait."  I tossed the covers off my hot body but left them on Tommy, and I settled in to enjoy holding my little guy a little longer, because I've been a mommy long enough to know the truth in the line "babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow."

We did finally leave the soft bed, and my day began in earnest.  But I've thought about "rocking" our babies all day long.  And I realize that the "rocking" should never end just because they have gotten too big to fit in our laps.

Tommy came to us a sick, sad little boy.  One day shy of six months old when he moved in with us, I was his fourth mommy.  He had attachment issues that we had to work through.  He was a large baby and I'm a small mommy, but we could rock.  And rock, we did, and it got us through those first few months, and helped us learn to love and trust each other:

Tommy wasn't the only baby I rocked.  I've gone through a lot of rocking chairs in my 37 years of being a mother.  I only wish I had more pictures on my computer to show them all...

Rocking carries on into the next generation, too.  I always made up songs when I rocked my baby.  Brillant song writer that I am, I sang lyrics such as, "Mommy loves her little baby.  Mommy loves her little baby.  Mommy loves her little baby.  Oh how Mommy loves her baby."
Imagine my surprise as those first two babies grew up and had babies of their own, and one day, when baby number two, Celeste, was visiting, I heard her in the next room, rocking her baby and singing, "Mommy loves her little baby..."
"Hey, Celeste!"  I called.  "Where'd you learn THAT song??"
"Oh, mom!"  she laughed.  "It's just so mindless..."

Her babies grew up, too, and her oldest is leaving for college in a few weeks.  Not much time left for 'rocking' now...

As I thought about rocking babies today, I thought: should our 'rocking' stop when they outgrow our laps?  Just because they are big, does their need for 'rocking' stop?

I don't think so...

What are some ways we can 'rock' our older kids, even on up into the teen years, and beyond?  Don't big kids need to feel love, too?

I remembered a lanky firstborn son who always waited until all his little brothers and sisters were in bed to come into my room and talk.  He would pace and wave his arms as he told me the things he thought about during the day.  I remember I would close the book I was reading to make sure my eyes did not travel back to the pages.  He needed me to concentrate on what he was saying.  It was my way of  'rocking' my big boy.

In fact, I remember another lanky teenage son who still laid on the end of my bed and listened as I read to his much younger siblings.  And now that he is a grown man who lives only part time at our house, at the end of the day, when all the little ones are asleep, he comes to talk, too.

 Angel-Leah, even at the age of nine and a good reader, wants to be read too.  If I will read just a couple of chapters, it is the equivalent to 'rocking' her.  Her love tank is filled up.  Surely I can find time to do that for her?

Mary Susannah likes to stop at Starbucks.  Other coffee shops won't do, there is something special about that one.  A trip to the thrift shop where she can buy things for her hope chest are a thrill for her.  I like to 'rock' her by doing that with her.  I should do it more often.  Maybe I will!

I only took Cynthia to the SS office today, and we stopped off at Braum's afterwards for ice cream.  Just the two of us.  And yes, I bought a large, the best way to 'rock' her!!

Take time, and 'rock' your babies.

Because they grow up, we've learned to our sorrow...

Yeah, there is always a goofball in the bunch...

In fact, sometimes there are a whole lot of goofballs...

But regardless, they grow up:

 So quiet down, cobwebs, and dust go to sleep..

...while you lay in bed and cuddle a few more minutes, or make a trip to Starbucks, or read another book...

...because babies don't keep...

Spring at my house

Psalm 24:1  The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world and all who live in it.

The years go by, and I'm getting older.  Sixty years old is just around the corner.  A couple of my grown sons think I should sell my country place and move into the city where life will be less complicated and it will eventually be easier to "take care of me."  I counter that they are not taking into account that although I might be older, I live the life of a younger person, with young children still living with me.  Imagine poor Luke living on a city lot.  As my son Gage used to say when we would visit relatives, "You can't even hit a baseball without it landing in someone else's yard!"

This week, the warm weather makes us realize that spring has sprung.  And with spring, comes "a few of my favorite things..."
And makes it very plain the reason I never, ever want to move away from my little place...

I walked that pasture with an empty feed sack, making sure it was free of trash.  Then I mowed it.  For the entire 12 years I have lived here, it's looked horrible.  Some of the men of the house (mainly the ones that want me to sell) would not let me mow it with the riding lawn mower.  But they grew up and moved away, and I can talk Max into anything, so he taught me how to use it and for days, I mowed.  I have discovered that being on a roaring riding lawn mower is one of the most relaxing things you can do!  Add children running through the grass while you mow and it's a paradise.  I am so PLEASED with how it looks now!

And the bulbs Mary Susannah and I have planted are beginning to bloom.  She and I have decided to plant these all over, more and more every year.  It will be so pretty eventually and smell so good!!

It wouldn't be spring without a new litter of kittens.  This momma cat didn't have much luck last year; her kittens kept disappearing and the one that was left was wild, and eventually disappeared too.  So this time I put her in the breezeway.  She and the kitties are safe and the kids can tame them.  Which they are very willing to do.  Baby kittens = happy, happy children!

Today, I walked out to feed the bunnies and found three baby's on the ground.  This silly momma bunny had shunned her nesting box and given birth in the space behind it, which caused the babies to fall through the wire mesh.  I quickly gathered up the babies and all the hair I could find and put them in the box.  One baby was covered with ants and didn't make it.  The other two are lively, so maybe she will take care of them.  Hopefully, we will be seeing more baby bunnies in the next weeks.  They are all bred and fixed up with nesting boxes in a nice shelter...I will give daily pep talks about the importance of USING the nesting boxes.  I hope they listen!!

Baby chicks are hatching like crazy, much to my little ones delight.  Having a strong 8 year old son is quite a plus these days: he and I backed the truck up to an old empty water trough, loaded it up while Tommy and Selah sat in the truck bed and pulled on it, then we unloaded it in my "bird shed."  The baby chicks that have hatched and dried so far are settled.  We took 23 out of the incubator this morning, and we have lots and lots more hatching.  My only problem is trying to convince my children that it is NOT good for the baby chicks for us to open the incubator door and "check" on the progress every 30 minutes or so.  I am thinking of borrowing Cynthia's "beats" headphones and playing music really loud into my ears so I won't hear them beg anymore.  I could just walk around shaking my head to the beat of the music, because I know they will be asking me every time I see their mouths moving...

And those turkeys and geese whose pictures I showed you a blog or two back?  Well, they are getting BIG!!  And smelly....I will be so glad when I can move them outdoors!!

Last, but not least, sweet son Max surprised me one day with a raised garden bed.  I haven't gotten much in it yet, but I'm trying.  I hope to finish it up this weekend.  I am terrible with gardens, but maybe I can do it this time.  I even ordered those 'grow boxes' you can see on the left to try and keep my watermelon plants alive.  I could live on watermelon alone in the summer!

So yes, I know, my house needs a LOT of work, but I love it.  I mean, I dearly love it.  I can't imagine ever moving from here.  And I especially can't imagine moving when spring rolls around!