Psalm 127:2 He gives his beloved sleep
...but sometimes, he doesn't...
Does that mean I am not his beloved?
I don't think so.
The last several months, sleep is often hard to come by. I try to read myself to sleep - I read until the pages are blurry and I can't see them anymore. I take Valerian root before bed, and that often helps.
But sometimes it doesn't.
I have learned not to fret over not being able to sleep. I am an older lady, and I know that age sometimes brings sleepless nights, and I have a heavy heart, which also brings sleepless nights.
The reason I have learned not to fret about it, is that those are the times when the Lord seems to be the closest to me. I have learned that if I can't sleep, God has something he wants to talk to me about.
Last night was no exception. I read until after 11:30, and I thought I could sleep. But I didn't. I saw midnight come and go, and 1 o'clock, then 2, then 2:30.
And I prayed. And prayed. And prayed until I could not pray anymore. Then I simply listened.
Years of a lot of Bible reading usually come in handy during times like this, but last night, it was old hymns.
When I finally quit praying in the wee hours of morning, and was still, the first thing that came into my mind was the hymn, "Blessed Assurance." The words melted right into my heart, and they comforted me:
"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God. Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long! This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight. Angels descending, bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love. This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long."
The next song was just the chorus of Hark the Gentle Voice of Jesus Calleth:
"Ye that labor and are heavy laden, lean upon your dear Lord's breast. Ye that labor and are heavy laden, come and I will give you rest."
And he did. I finally slept. A slight headache plagues me this morning, but it will go away in a bit and I have a big day planned with son Max. I look forward to Saturdays when he comes.
So what have I learned? Not to fight those nights when sleep doesn't come. Talk to the Lord, even if it's an all night session. You will be okay, I will be okay. Those middle of the night times with God are precious, and sometimes we really need them.
Psalm 3:5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.